how to best learn

Bismillah.

I may not be the best to talk about this, am no top scorer in Uni. Ha! I did get a few offers of recruitment though and if it were something taught to me earlier in my HOship, I thought, that would be kinda cool. :)

And the secret is, quite simple really. Give your all. As if you plan to specialise in that field. And take active part in making decisions. Question a finding. Question a diagnosis. If it is something alien to you, then volunteer to do and learn. Make mistakes, and have enough regrets; for every lesson learnt, is a life saved.

Study. You definitely have the time. Get materials from your seniors. Ask what books and journals are worth knowing. How do you best improve yourself, and give better care? Practice by educating your patients, their family, your colleagues. Learn from them.

Sign up for an external exam (the aging process slows studying, so I definitely need this one to push myself), at least as a means to gain more knowledge. If you've decided on a specialty, then all the better. Sit for an external exam prior to MOship, and find more doors open up for you.

Above all, learn to love, to forgive and be an agent of Mercy to others. Many the times, I regretted the rash judgement I put on my fellow colleagues, as more often than not, my judgement fails me. Once we think we are good, and fail to see the good in others, then that is the end of improvement. Sobs sobs.

My HOship has ended, but it is a whole month before MOship, like the real deal. Ha!

Was, and is a doctor, nevertheless.
Cau!

emergency leave

Bismillah

A friend of ours, we keep tab of her family tree. As, more often than others, people keep dying on her side of the family, making emergency leaves necessary. We also keep tab on her vehicle accessories. Either her journey to work is a rough one, or she has a really bad taste in cars and parts. Setiap kali pun one of the tayar pancit.

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The last I took an emergency leave, it was because I was in no state to drive. And I ended up spending the night at a friends house. I got to know Avocado milk in the process. And God, how I miss the flavor. And the day after was spent at the library. Going home felt like a dying that day. Did I dread what awaits? Or I was just plain tired? Hmm.

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Shit happens. And disgusting as it is, bravo to those whom found good use of shit err, manure, I meant. It was an emotional ride towards the end of this Anaest posting. Through which, I learnt things I never thought possible. Like, why doctors should live a busy life. Why, I should live a busy life. :) There seems to be little meaning if I didn't.

Leaving, to live.

Cause the past is what I have been and done, and the present is where I thrive.

a new kind of exercise

Bismillah

A New Kind of Sports
(a must know for healthcare providers)

Tired of only taking care of others? Want to be healthy yourself? No time in your hand to head to the gym and develop Sado-like-physique? Well worry no more, as we introduce you to a practical way to work like a slave and still stay fit. If you're also disciplined in your food consumption, then toned or Sado-like-physique may be attainable. (Though in majority of cases, most subjects end up being super thin or regular sized with mildly enlarged abdominal girth. Ah well, better fit and fat than unfit and unfit they say)

An essential part of this regime is a J, or if you are not one, then, to be associated or have the same working hours as a J would be of major benefit. Random, like really random observations (which means, no research has been conducted upon to clarify this claim) denotes that the presence of a J excites forces in the field, leading to a somewhat magnetic pull of clients and going-ons which hypothetically causes shifts in spatial orientation of all animate and inanimate objects in the area of said magnetic pull of clients and going-ons.

Now this is the most important part. To benefit from this setting and be fit, repeat after me. "I must not be an ignorant lazy bum and join in the adrenaline rush of resuscitating that client and carry out all the plans to make sure my client is safe for transfer/discharge".

 No fun eyh? Well, it is all in the mind, dear readers. Every one of us whom are first timers, would feel like giving up, like it isn't the kind of sport we were made for. Fret not, for that feeling is a norm, there are no sports in this world, that was meant to make you fit, that won't hurt you in its introductory phase. Motivate yourself to be actively involved and you and your surrounding will benefit!

Initially, the non stop referrals may physiologically affect you, and you may have considered, once, or more than once, to accidentally cause harm to a fellow colleague (which usually stems out of anger management or, rather our lack of it). But keep your head in the game! The sore will come, wear comfortable shoes, and attires that would allow you to cruise hallways, position yourself for CPR, and maneuver yourself to do the unexpected, in unexpected situations, at the unexpected time, with unexpected outcome.

 And that dear readers, is the beauty of this sport. You will never get bored. Cause most of the time, the challenges provided differs. And if paired with a smart ass officers whom are skilled and not cocky to pass it on (their skills that is), then, you're in for a bigger adventure. (Like Spidey's with great power comes great responsibility bla bla bla)

Be aware however, this sports, in the event of many known J around, may turn extreme, and is not recommended for the fainthearted. If you're pregnant, we suggest you head over to clinics, whereby equipments aren't as fanciful as other places, limiting the variance of activity that could be performed.
Just to remind you however, for the regime to work, a J is essential.

Other risks associated with this sport includes eye bags, dehydration, lack of socializing and catching up with friends, and if practiced by without supervision, then loneliness and a drop in anger threshold may surface.

We encourage intermittent snacking, hydration, stretching and a good social support for readers eager to try this sport. For those who have no choice and was destined for this, we suggest you start doing the same. Jonahness should not be a reason to not meet your bodies' basic needs. Deprivation leads to emptiness and later sadness and depression. Embrace the responsibility placed upon you, and be amazed of the awesome that would follow.

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Disclaimer: of course, this unpaid advertisement is just for fun. Celebrating all Jonah people whom enjoy work and work hard, even if they feel like dying every other day. Jonah ftw!

Seasonally Jonah,
Your HO

Boss, why are you still here?

Because, Azizi is here!

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Now that earned a choc. Which of course I forgot to give, in that, this new form of spreading happiness is still too new, to be habitual.
I plan to make at least 3 colleagues happy every day, if I could. And it involves glucose (sometimes nuts)

anger

Bismillah

Anger may not necessarily be a bad thing, if we, keep it aside when we first felt it, then unleash its power for later use. (A good use of course)

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I was surprised to be met with a scary incident one fine day. I was brought to light, of the kind of person I'd rather not be as a medical officer. And the message was clear. Regardless of which department I plan to specialise in, never, ever treat my clients as a disease. Instead, I must do my very best, in the ways I know how, to care for people as a person, as a family member who is sick and now, needs to be looked after closely.

It hurts me the other day when there was bashing between departments, each pushing responsibility to the other, refusing to sort out a simple problem which only required a mere 5 minutes teaching. One party claims it is not their responsibility cause it's not their field of expertise, and the other, can't provide their expertise because the case was not theirs in the first place.

One too egoistic to humbly admit their ignorance and request help from the other. (Guess who had to settle the referrals. Lowest of the food chain lah, HO)

The other too egoistic to impart their knowledge, dismissing the request as nursing care.
"Why must we cover your shits?"

Haha. Haha.
Seriously people? It's not about saving anyone's asses. It's about the precious existence of a loved one. How could you say that.

T_T I think my heart bled when you did. And the pain felt more like an aortic dissection than an MI.
It runs deep.

Oh well, maybe it should have hurt. Else, I won't find a need to reflect on this. And God protect us all, from what we fear to turn into.

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I thank my MOs, whom are not calculative when it comes to saving lives (needless to say, this bunch is facing extinction). Whom are willing to spend that little extra to teach the rest of us the tricks they've learned, improving our status in general, as a good healthcare provider.

Don't keep your genius to your own. It won't hurt to train another. And my, when you see the people you've trained blossom, won't that be a wonderful thing for the world? And for it to stem from a good knowledge you've shared, I can only hope you will be rewarded, in ways you can never imagine.

We are all gifted differently.

The one who loves you unconditionally anyway,
Your HO

dare you to move

Bismillah

I thank God for people who knows me more than I know myself. And to point it out at that, so that I won't live such a miserable life, was a damn good thing.

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Until you put yourself to work, you're not gonna know who you are.
You are not going to know your strengths.
You are not going to know your weaknesses.

Stop being afraid of jumping in
Of trying.
Of failures.

Failures are good for you.
It exposes the holes in the wall.
It exposes what you need to work on.
It exposes what you're bad at.
It also exposes the things that you ARE good at, and maybe you should refine them even more.

But that does not happen until you grind it out.
Until you throw yourself in the middle, in the mix, you know.

If you live your life just afraid,
"I am not sure if it'll work or not"
"I am not sure if  that'll succeed or not"

Well, those are the kinds of people that would only be sitting in the sidelines, and not do anything in life.

Allah gave us this wonderful adventure, living in this world, try things, and let go of the inhibition. And once you let go of it, AMAZING things will happen in life.

DFTBA in the process,
Unstoppableeeeee. Woo hoo!

I rarely swear, but when I do, it is mostly this kind.

cant

Bismillah

Wish to cry my heart out.

That would result in a mighty headache tomorrow however.

Is that an indication for prophylactic medication?

#overdose

random

Bismillah

God sends His mercy in a form of a greeting yesterday by a person whose brain I admire. Yes, I am inclined towards people smarter than me. I am oh-so-happy. :)

Living a rough life, makes you appreciate all the littlest thing.

Brainsss brainsss. The Zombies ated your brainssss.

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Got myself into a lil trouble with the adapting phase. What to do my consultant too busy. Haih.

And I had to go through a scrutinizing session post night. Not cool at all. Well, it was cool in the sense that I could go, yeah, up to you, whatever (not in this exact phrase, but it must have meant the same) with my eyes 3/4 open. It is kinda funny now that I think of it. Haha. Haha.

Oh well. Screw them. It is out of my hands now.

And it is okay, to not be in control of things. It is okay. :)

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Totally need sleep.
This can wait till Thursday.

I still look forward to learning things.
And I will learn to love you, you threat-thrower-you! Haha.

Love everything,
She whose heart is big enough to accomodate. Not literally of course. Omg. Dilated ventricles. God noooo.

tagging. again.

Bismillah

I am flawed.
Oh how I wish it doesn't affect me so.
Help.

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Anaesth is kinda neat. I guess it will make up for my uncivilized HO days in Medical. Even the tagging period in the OT had doubled whatever knowledge I had of induction - of anaesthesia, that is.

Like any other posting, lets learn all we can to equip ourselves ay?

*the downside of Anaest is, tagging goes on 12 days straight, NO in between breaks! I think my hand eye coordination has started deteriorating, making it one of those times when I wish Oncie could self drive*

I love Oncie very much of course (cause we all have our weaknesses), can't imagine surviving HOship without Oncie. I thank God for that.

I haven't a decent photo of Oncie though.

Love,

The tagger, in love with her car

the end of a long break

Bismillah

Will soon start a new journey. I've got the purple book. Not ED, not Orthopeadics. Which was quite a surprise but I am guessing this will be the chance to perfect some skills and learn those which were none existent. Well, new adventure, embrace each other, shall we? *bows for a dance*

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I was brought to recall a lost love. And I thought I have long forgotten the matter. It hurts to be wrong about how you actually feel but I am trying to convince myself that, I have a heart, big enough to love everything, big enough to accommodate, big enough to love my own self.

"But you still remain
I still hear your name
And time may pass, but this remains
I've got a glimpse of you
I wish you could stay
Your smile fades away
And all that I have left with me
Is just a glimpse of you"

- Till Morning Came, Florence Foong

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One fine post night, the enthusiasm me and my buddy had for the OT became noticeable. Dr M asked us to go back to our loved ones and go on dates, which we blatantly admit we did not have, the reason as to why we have so much time on our hands to do other things - ie crashing his craniectomy.

Keeping that notion in mind, after the long break I had, it is I guess, fair to say,

I MISS WORKING

Okay, I may need to take that back.
I have this mountain of books to read. I am, married somewhat to my books, I sacrifice my eyes for them. Lets see if I can finish 5 in 2 days.

Everything is possible,
The Impossible Girl

tribute

Bismillah.

"Whoever has not thanked people, has not thanked God," said the Prophet SAW.

Was browsing the group chat when messages came in, on how they need a houseman for a surgery. And I was seriously considering to change and attend, only of course, they have already assigned people to do so. And God, it hurts. It hurts to realise that you are no longer a part of the team.

I am no workaholic (being a Jedi requires balancing your act) but I may have found my niche in surgery. And thank God, I did. Floating in your final year of having a temporary license does not do good to the mind. It leads to overthinking. And overthinking kills productivity.

I've said it before; this is the hardest of goodbyes. I told the department that. I guess they needed to know. So they will keep the awesomeness alive and going.

To Mr A, whom convinced me of deciding this in the first place. I will forever remember the kind support you gave. I have many fears. Gamophobic, to name a few - sorry to frustrate you with this term. To have recognised my strength and to encourage me to explore further and then highlighting the first steps, I thank you.

To Dr Pr, whom recognised a tattoo I never had, thank you for the first (albeit not skin to skin) appendicectomy, which I bet you don't remember, with my tattooing or not being an issue at that time. I shall be aware of your presence, in view of the promised punch-in-the-back-without-warning if I ever hunched my way again. My apologies for all the running you had to do when we were scheduled to work together. Thank you for being kind enough to run along and not subject me to any form of punishment.

To Dr H, it was kinda sad to not know you earlier, thank you for being ever so generous with information, and recommending all the comprehensive books. Let it be known to you that, we are using the materials well. Thanks for teaching me to be thorough, and to treat individuals as individuals. And to do that whilst having a Jonah call, was simply, whoa.

To Dr K, it was a blessing, to recognise a fellow Jedi in the department. Thanks for always being available for consultations in the clinic. And for keeping your cool, which reminded me so much of how I too, need to be an agent of mercy to people around me. I am glad to have been given the chance to work together, even if it were at the end of the posting.

Alhamdulillah (thank God) for the opportunity that leads much to rekindle the desire for self improvement and introspection. I hope to see all of you soon, all of us refined, and more awesome than ever.

Love,
A surgeon at heart. :)

fear

Bismillah

The first half of my HOship was filled with fear. And it was understandable. I was a beginner, a beginner dealing with lives.

What I regretted doing however, was being afraid of my MOs. I am not one who actually paid attention to whom I will be oncall with but there was a time where I got caught up in the trend of wanting to know the kind of person I will be working with. (housemanship does that to you, you know, strips you off of your identity in the first year. One day you are you and another, you become z kepochi ah po)

Well, perhaps the necessary thing you need to pay attention to is their names. Their potential is something you have to discover for yourself, as you work alongside them. Many the times when I developed bad calls are because I work with the premade assumptions passed down through generations of HOs regarding the reputation of certain MOs. Knowing made me a little too careful of my steps, which hinders the development of the star healer I wanted to be.

Mind you, some MOs are really a pain in the ear and heart and soul but have firm believe that, their believes in who you are does not determine your competency. Your competency determines your competency.

Work with the right intention, and though hard at times, try to find the goods in others. Make that a challenge for yourself, to renew your hope and faith in a person every single day. And when you find that good thing, that common ground, work on that and you'll survive. In fact, you'll grow so much, your heart and mind, that you manage to bring the best of you in any situation. And if God wills it, you'd see a side of a person you never thought existed before!

Be an agent of mercy in this field. To your patients, to your colleague. Penat macam mana pun, it will be worth it.

God knows, I am no saint. I kinda still have a grudge on an MO (distance is helping a lot in preventing any acts of revenge. Heee.)

Love,
Your Houseman