cant

Bismillah

Wish to cry my heart out.

That would result in a mighty headache tomorrow however.

Is that an indication for prophylactic medication?

#overdose

random

Bismillah

God sends His mercy in a form of a greeting yesterday by a person whose brain I admire. Yes, I am inclined towards people smarter than me. I am oh-so-happy. :)

Living a rough life, makes you appreciate all the littlest thing.

Brainsss brainsss. The Zombies ated your brainssss.

-----

Got myself into a lil trouble with the adapting phase. What to do my consultant too busy. Haih.

And I had to go through a scrutinizing session post night. Not cool at all. Well, it was cool in the sense that I could go, yeah, up to you, whatever (not in this exact phrase, but it must have meant the same) with my eyes 3/4 open. It is kinda funny now that I think of it. Haha. Haha.

Oh well. Screw them. It is out of my hands now.

And it is okay, to not be in control of things. It is okay. :)

-----

Totally need sleep.
This can wait till Thursday.

I still look forward to learning things.
And I will learn to love you, you threat-thrower-you! Haha.

Love everything,
She whose heart is big enough to accomodate. Not literally of course. Omg. Dilated ventricles. God noooo.

tagging. again.

Bismillah

I am flawed.
Oh how I wish it doesn't affect me so.
Help.

-----

Anaesth is kinda neat. I guess it will make up for my uncivilized HO days in Medical. Even the tagging period in the OT had doubled whatever knowledge I had of induction - of anaesthesia, that is.

Like any other posting, lets learn all we can to equip ourselves ay?

*the downside of Anaest is, tagging goes on 12 days straight, NO in between breaks! I think my hand eye coordination has started deteriorating, making it one of those times when I wish Oncie could self drive*

I love Oncie very much of course (cause we all have our weaknesses), can't imagine surviving HOship without Oncie. I thank God for that.

I haven't a decent photo of Oncie though.

Love,

The tagger, in love with her car

the end of a long break

Bismillah

Will soon start a new journey. I've got the purple book. Not ED, not Orthopeadics. Which was quite a surprise but I am guessing this will be the chance to perfect some skills and learn those which were none existent. Well, new adventure, embrace each other, shall we? *bows for a dance*

-----

I was brought to recall a lost love. And I thought I have long forgotten the matter. It hurts to be wrong about how you actually feel but I am trying to convince myself that, I have a heart, big enough to love everything, big enough to accommodate, big enough to love my own self.

"But you still remain
I still hear your name
And time may pass, but this remains
I've got a glimpse of you
I wish you could stay
Your smile fades away
And all that I have left with me
Is just a glimpse of you"

- Till Morning Came, Florence Foong

-----

One fine post night, the enthusiasm me and my buddy had for the OT became noticeable. Dr M asked us to go back to our loved ones and go on dates, which we blatantly admit we did not have, the reason as to why we have so much time on our hands to do other things - ie crashing his craniectomy.

Keeping that notion in mind, after the long break I had, it is I guess, fair to say,

I MISS WORKING

Okay, I may need to take that back.
I have this mountain of books to read. I am, married somewhat to my books, I sacrifice my eyes for them. Lets see if I can finish 5 in 2 days.

Everything is possible,
The Impossible Girl

tribute

Bismillah.

"Whoever has not thanked people, has not thanked God," said the Prophet SAW.

Was browsing the group chat when messages came in, on how they need a houseman for a surgery. And I was seriously considering to change and attend, only of course, they have already assigned people to do so. And God, it hurts. It hurts to realise that you are no longer a part of the team.

I am no workaholic (being a Jedi requires balancing your act) but I may have found my niche in surgery. And thank God, I did. Floating in your final year of having a temporary license does not do good to the mind. It leads to overthinking. And overthinking kills productivity.

I've said it before; this is the hardest of goodbyes. I told the department that. I guess they needed to know. So they will keep the awesomeness alive and going.

To Mr A, whom convinced me of deciding this in the first place. I will forever remember the kind support you gave. I have many fears. Gamophobic, to name a few - sorry to frustrate you with this term. To have recognised my strength and to encourage me to explore further and then highlighting the first steps, I thank you.

To Dr Pr, whom recognised a tattoo I never had, thank you for the first (albeit not skin to skin) appendicectomy, which I bet you don't remember, with my tattooing or not being an issue at that time. I shall be aware of your presence, in view of the promised punch-in-the-back-without-warning if I ever hunched my way again. My apologies for all the running you had to do when we were scheduled to work together. Thank you for being kind enough to run along and not subject me to any form of punishment.

To Dr H, it was kinda sad to not know you earlier, thank you for being ever so generous with information, and recommending all the comprehensive books. Let it be known to you that, we are using the materials well. Thanks for teaching me to be thorough, and to treat individuals as individuals. And to do that whilst having a Jonah call, was simply, whoa.

To Dr K, it was a blessing, to recognise a fellow Jedi in the department. Thanks for always being available for consultations in the clinic. And for keeping your cool, which reminded me so much of how I too, need to be an agent of mercy to people around me. I am glad to have been given the chance to work together, even if it were at the end of the posting.

Alhamdulillah (thank God) for the opportunity that leads much to rekindle the desire for self improvement and introspection. I hope to see all of you soon, all of us refined, and more awesome than ever.

Love,
A surgeon at heart. :)